‘I was raped at 15’

Thato Matshaba, an assistant accountant with one of the local companies says that she had been suicidal because of the rape that she suffered in 2005 when she was doing Form 2. She was only 15 when her cousins in Serowe asked her to tag along when they went to a pub. She says that the cousins are older than her and that she did not worry much that anything bad could happen to her. When they got there, her cousins started mingling with friends. Then a gentleman, whom she says was around five years older than her, came to chat her up. “When we left the pub, he insisted on taking us half way to our house and walk behind my cousins with me, until they were out of sight. He told me he loved me. I knew nothing about love or sex. He then told me that I was going to spend the night at his house, which I refused,” she says. Matshaba 26, says that the unthinkable happened: The man slapped her hard telling her that she should not disrespect him. She says the man covered her mouth and dragged her to his house, threatening that he was going to kill her if she over dared scream. When they got there, she says he forced himself inside of her several times, and told her that she would only go to her house in the morning. “That’s how I lost my virginity. The guy wasn’t even using a condom. I was numb,” she recalls. Matshaba says that she went home in the morning where she could not stop crying. “I felt so ashamed and blamed myself for everything that happened. I blamed myself for going out with my cousins. I decided to keep it to myself because I was afraid of being judged,” she says, adding that she was also scared of falling pregnant. “I had heard stories of how drinking strong coffee could terminate unwanted pregnancy. I drank it and somehow I didn’t miss my period,” she says. Being raped affected me Matshaba says that after the incident began a life of rebellion and promiscuity. She says that she started disrespecting her teachers, which also affected her grades. “I started dating older men, as I found relief in them. But I realise I was just using them because I wasn’t even enjoying the sex. I couldn’t connect with anyone. Deep down I hated men because of what happened. I was full of pain and bitterness,” she says, adding that she was feeling worthless and did not believe in herself. The Botho University AAT and CIMA graduate says that she met a loving and God-fearing man along the way, who somehow changed the way she viewed men. They have a child together. She started coming out about her past ordeal this year and she wants to use it to encourage other women who may be in the same situation. She also says that she was diagnosed with post-natal depression and started counselling. “I want to help others who may have gone through what I went through. They are not alone,” she says.