Some people are angry at the government shelling millions of pula to host the Forbes 30 under 30 “Summit” and may be justified in their anger. Firstly, this shindig is not a summit but merely a “get-together/chillas”, the former referring to when they discuss business and the latter when they make merry – like they did on Sunday evening. To be clear, a summit is a meeting between heads of state, not one between young “CEOs” of one-person business operations. Secondly, the money that the government spent on the “Summit” could have been used to bribe people to get vaccinated against Covid-19. Let’s be clear about one more thing: the “Summit” is itself what Americans call a super-spreader event. Wait ... Americans themselves organised the event! On the flip side, the “Summit” is helping unblock the notorious developments pipeline. Sprucing up the appearance of Gaborone, especially the Main Mall which has been in the pipeline since a Gaborone mayor admitted to having a threesome. However, with the Summit about to happen, the Main Mall’s appearance was spruced up overnight. There is even actual separating of waste at the Main Mall – which has only been the subject of conference talk all along. Many more areas in Botswana look unsightly because their development projects have been stuck in the pipeline for decades. One is Serowe, whose main mall is among one of the unsightliest in Botswana. This mall could certainly benefit from a future edition of Forbes 30 Under 30 “Summit.” CEDA’s boarding-school guest houses On the Consumer Watchdog Botswana Facebook page, a subscriber complains that when she and a female friend tried to book into the same room at a Mahalapye guest house, the owner refused to accommodate them. The reason given was that it is the guesthouse’s policy to not accommodate guests of the same sex in the same room. The sub-text of this policy is that LGBTQIXYZ couples spending the night in Mahalapye would do well to look for accommodation elsewhere. Many more guest houses, a good number of them funded by the Citizen Entrepreneurial Development Agency, have some quite unusual rules that mirror those of boarding schools – or SHHA areas. One controversial SHHA rule has actually been used for an edition of the Miss Botswana beauty contest. One too many SHHA landladies, especially those in Phase 1 Gaborone West, have a strict rule that prohibits visitors of the opposite sex, especially (wink, wink) those who spend the night. The Miss Botswana edition in question had a no-boyfriend rule – which resulted in 87.4 percent of the contestants, all of them Christian, breaking the thou shalt not lie commandment. But that is in the past and we are more concerned about the present. Should CEDA fund the establishment of hospitality establishments that operate like boarding-school hostels? If yes, shouldn’t the Agency officially create such category using precise language – “boarding-school guest house”? Such designation would save people time and fuel because they would avoid them and go to those that treat guests like adults. If the answer is no, then CEDA, itself an investor in these guest houses until the owner repays the loan fully, should not give guest-house loans to applicants who rent or have rented out SHHA houses - especially women. Facing charges? Flee south Are you facing any criminal charges before the courts and want to avoid the possibility of going to prison? The solution to your non-problem is a simple one: flee to a neighbouring country that harbours fugitives from Botswana. We don’t have to name that country – you only need to stay up to date with current affairs. Going back to at least 2012, that country started such harbouring. In that year, a certain Motswana unleashed terror on people living within his territory, was arrested, charged and fled to that country while his case was still being heard by a Gaborone magistrate. Last year, another Motswana, this one facing even more serious criminal charges, fled to that same country and no less a person than the president of that country has acknowledged harbouring that fugitive. This country will actually refuse to hand over murderers because of the possibility that Botswana might do to those murderers what they did to their victims. Wanted: Blacks for Trump Despite received wisdom here at home, not every Motswana living in the west is living it up. In some cases, surviving in the west can mean having to do uncommonly and literally dirty jobs – like handling human waste from sunrise past sunset. Of course the rule is to tell those back home a sanitised version of the nature of one’s employment – for example, “I am a front-desk clerk at a hotel.” Thankfully and ironically for those in the United States, there is a man called Donald Trump, who worked for the US government between 2016 and 2020. Out of respect for Americans, we won’t say what job he did because that detail is very embarrassing. What we will say about Trump though is that he provides employment for black people and they don’t have to do much: just stand behind him with a placard that reads: “Blacks for Trump.” But wait ... doing that might actually be dirtier than handling human waste from sunrise past sunset.