MOTHER’S ORDEAL

Kebalepile Tsietso of Matshelagabedi near Francistown was last year convicted of child neglect and served a five-month jail term after she had abandoned her newly-born daughter in the streets of Gaborone.She was jailed in March and released in August, 2022, and what is bothering her at the moment is that although her baby was found and picked by passers by, she has not enjoyed any happy reunion with the child. Her behaviour towards the newly-born baby is being used against her to deny her full access to the toddler.This is a 27-year-old woman who herself never experienced a mother's love and suggests her behaviour at the time may have been caused by her loveless life. Narrating her ordeal to The Midweek Sun, Tsietso, 27, said that she grew under some wanting care and love of her grandmother, with her real mother nowhere to be found. Her estranged mother would only appear in her life in 2005 when she was 9 years old. However, the reunion was shortlived because when her mother returned, she was very sick and would die that same year.Tsietso is convinced that growing up without her mother, whom she would later see only when returning sick for a short time before she died, left her emotionally battered. She recalls how she envied other kids and wished that she too could receive similar love she saw from other mothers on their kids.For about17 to18 years since her mother died shortly after what should have been a happy reunion, she has lived a pitiful life but things got painfully worse when she fell pregnant in 2021 and her boyfriend, abandoned her and even denying the child was his. She lived through the pregnancy with neither a mother's love nor the love of her baby's father. More was to happen in March last year when she was due to deliver her baby girl at PrincessMarina Hospital. On that fateful day, she gave birth but was abnormally down and frustrated by what had been happening around her life - the most painful being the absence of the baby daddy who had been clear the child wasnot his.“I had kept my pregnancy a secret as my sister did not know anything even though I lived with her in Gaborone. I did not want people to notice that I was pregnant as I had already made a decision that I would dump the child somewhere after giving birth, " Tsietso told The Midweek Sun.True to her intensions, she put her plan into action after giving birth around 3 am at Princess Marina Hospital. She acted normal and needy by asking for baby clothes and diapers from the nursing staff during their shift at the hospital.Shortly after that, she sneaked out of the hospital carrying her newly-born daughter, and later abandoned the child in some street in Broadhurst, Gaborone, where passers-by would easily spot it. Tsietso has no knowledge of how things penned out after she had dumped the baby for passers by to pick her.All she recalls is that a few days later, she received a call from Broadhurst Police Station requesting her to come to their offices as they had a few questions to ask her. She was shocked when she arrived at the police station and she was asked where her child was. She did not hide the truth about what she had done and was told the child had actually been found alive.How the child was traced back to her, still remains a mystery for her as she was quickly whisked away by the police who arrested her. She was later convicted for child neglect and was sent to Village Prison, where she served jail time until August last year. All the while, she had been told the child was under institutional care at one of the SOS Children's Villages. .To her utter shock, upon her release, she found that her boyfriend - the father of the baby - had taken the child to live with her at his parent's home. This broke her heart because she was made to understand that her baby wastaken to SOS Children’s Village and she would be able to collect her upon release. She is currently crying for any form of help as any efforts she made to get full access to her baby have failed.What even breaks Tsietso's heart is that the man who has custody of her child is the same who had shown no interest in the baby when she was pregnant. Tsietso is currently suffering emotionally as the child stays with the boyfriend, where she can visit to see the baby but she is not allowed to touch or hold her. Instead, she is subjected to emotional abuse. The baby's father lives with his mother."They always say words like, 'O batla go bolaya ngwana gape jaaka o ne o batla go mmolaya (you want to once again kill the baby as was your plan),'" she says.Tsietso swears that prison time has helped her to reflect and to reform and had intended to find a job so that she could take care of her baby - that was before she got to know someone else had custody of the child. She also says she needs counselling to help her come to terms with everything that happened. The solo battle for full custody of her child continuesEven though Tsietso was never diagnosed with Postpartum Depression (PPD), Charlotte Ruwona of Valor Mental Health Foundation does not rule it out.Ruwona says most mothers would not know that they are going through PPD. This type of depression comes in the form of resentment towards the baby, irritability or finding oneself wanting to cry for no apparent reason.“Pregnancy on its own requires a strong support system and without it one can feel overwhelmed and not wanting the baby after it is born. In extreme cases, it can result in child abandonment, major depression (MDD) and infanticide - killing of an infant,” she said.PPD occurs after an extended period of the "baby blues." This is a normal process that occurs after childbirth due to hormonal changes, exhaustion due to round the clock care of a baby and general exhaustion after a long pregnancy.“They usually pass untreated if the individual has the necessary support during this time but if not, it can result in Post Natal Depression (PND).“Societal pressure put upon mothers to be the ‘best mother’ often leads to them not asking for help when they are going through PND. This often leads to tragic instances similar to those reported regularly in the media like mothers throwing away their babies,” Ruwona says.She adds that while the first few months of having a baby are hectic, they do not need to be miserable and help is available in different civil society organisations, private sector as well as in the public sector.

Explore

More

News

MOTHER’S ORDEAL