Table manners

We all bring different cultural bias to it. Some pray before endulging, others just dive into the course. Whichever way, this says a lot about the individual. University of Botswana (UB) lecturer in the department of Family and Consumer Sciences Fungai Mthombeni defines table manners as people’s behaviour when having a meal around the table. She states that they differ from one country to another.

However, she maintains that eating is a physical need and meals are a social ritual. The 150th anniversary of Briton Isabella Beeton’s book ‘Household Management’ draws attention to this weird and wonderful world of manners. In many ways it is a very modern book: Beeton’s recipes and kitchen tips are the kind of thing you still get in cookery books today. Maybe her language is a bit clinical as there is a chapter on how to cook ‘quadrupeds’. But the one thing that truly places the book in the past is its advice on table manners. At a dinner party, ‘the lady begins to help with the soup, commencing with the gentlemen on her right and on her left, and continuing in the same order until all are served.

It is generally established as a rule, not to ask for soup or fish twice, as in so doing, part of the company may be kept waiting for the second course.’ The complex rules set out by Beeton still exist, but even at the smartest restaurants, the rigorous order of Beeton’s dining table is rarely preserved nowadays. Mthombeni says that table manners differ depending on one’s country of origin. These involve how one chews, how they hold their food and body language around the table. “In some communities like the Europeans, you do not chew bones unless you are given permission by the host,” she says. Come to Africa, people chew bones not only because they are rich in calcium but simply because they are tasty. In some cultures, according to Mthombeni, people eat together around the table and do not watch television whilst eating. This is contrary to others which allow children to even eat later, because they may not feel like eating then. But the curious questions: Do we use tables in Africa? And how often do we? It is a universal table manner that people sit down when eating. While in some African cultures, elders take their share first, others allow women and children to do so first. According to Maria Molefhe, the general social and dining etiquette rules guide manners around the table. She mentions that a common language is prayer when eating.

“A prayer is a blessing and is made by the host before the meal is eaten,” says the Food and Nutrition graduate. She adds that at a dinner table, guests should wait for the host or hostess to sit down before taking their seats. On other issues, Molefhe says the host or hostess should not clear the table before the guests had left it. “Doing so before they have left sends a wrong message that they have had enough food and that they should stand up and leave,” she says. Some of the simple rules remind people to say ‘please’ to the server when asking for something and ‘thank you’ upon receiving it. When eating, it is not appropriate to talk with food in the mouth as it is said to be distasteful and rude to watch, according to Oprah. Com. The source further informs that food should be passed from the left to the right and not be stretched across the table. And it states that serving utensils should be used to serve, not personal silverware. A rule by Mpho Bakae is that elbows should be kept off the table. He mentions that the left hand should be put on the lap unless one is using it. It is also a sin to blow a nose at the table. It is advisable that one be excused to visit the restroom. An often overlooked rule is that of cellphones. Oprah.com says they should be turned off and that if one is ever putting a phone on silent, they should behave around the table by not fiddling with it.

It informs that it is impolite to answer it during a meal and that if you have to answer or make a call, excuse yourself from the table and step outside the eating room. Other simple etiquette informs against the use or toothpick or application of make up at the table, and pushing dishes away from yourself or stacking them for the waiter when you are finished. Plates and dishes are to be left where they are. It is also an abomination for you to put bones on the table but rather on a separate small plate. Thanksgiving is generally the message behind eating around the table. Appreciate the person who cooked and tell them the meal was delicious.