Stag party: Final hooray into manhood

Unlike bridal showers, these farewell parties for grooms to-be have an unwritten code of silence. BG Style has been reliably informed that men become naughty to celebrate what they describe as the groom’s last night of freedom. A bachelor party is usually planned by the best man or other friends of the groom, occasionally, with the assistance of additional members of the organising committee. They go back much further than one would expect and are rooted in ancient history — as early as the 5th century B.C.

It is believed that the ancient Spartans were the first to make a celebration out of the groom’s last night as a single man. Spartan soldiers held a dinner in their friend’s honour and made toasts on his behalf, with, one assumes, a Spartan sense of decorum. Since then, the events have generally grown more raucous. According to wedding organiser Refilwe Batsomi, bachelor parties have always had a bad rap. She argues that she always feels the tension when it comes to bridal and stag parties. Women become transparent while men tend to hide details of their dos. The truth is, she does not organise them, but running the entire wedding logistics means that she has to know at least a bit. “Unlike women, men usually want to let all loose and have some wild fun,” she says.

Her observation is that while women prefer gardens or homes for venues, most bachelor parties are held at far places from the bride to-be’s proximity. Batsomi’s other observation is that most locals prefer South Africa for their stag nights. The secret, she reveals, is that bachelor parties are mostly incomplete without strippers. These are female exotic dancers whose job is to ‘rock the minds and eyes’ of men, while they remain calm and helpless, according to Batsomi. Mothusi Magosi* hesitated at first, thinking he was going to cheat on his fiancé. His bachelor party was at one of the secluded guest houses around the Borolong areas. They had brought strippers from one of the clubs from Joburg. “It was like cheating her, especially in front of all those people,” he thought. Nonetheless, he had been advised: “That would be my last chance to touch another woman ever again.” The bare facts according to cosmopolitan.com are that most party organisers request not more than five strippers.

The first thing they do upon arrival is slip away to the bathroom. That gives the security guy the opportunity to have a beer with the boys, get comfortable, and explain the rules in a very comedic manner. The rules are: No touching. No talking down to the girls, that is, no calling them bedroom names. Also, no asking for sexual favours and no spilling anything on the ladies. The source further explains: The men then form a big circle, with the groom to-be in the centre sitting on an armless chair. The strippers will start off in costumes — anything from French maids to nurses and doctors to cops. They would dance seductively for him for about 15 minutes, showing some skin, putting their hands on his shoulders, straddling his legs, grinding his crotch with their butts, pinching his nipples.

Eventually, they take off his shirt. Next comes the bondage aspect of the show. They lay the bachelor on the floor on his tummy and blindfold him. First they tease him by running either feathers or ice cubes down his back, and then start spanking and whipping him. “While not all bachelor parties include sex, the combination of booze, male bravado, and strippers is a heady mix that moves some men to do things they would never do otherwise,” according to wedding organiser Batsomi. As *Tefo, 37, explains about a bachelor party he once attended, “I assumed strippers would paw me, then I would go home and have sex with my wife,” he says. “But after the stripper got me excited, she said, ‘For R500, I will finish you off’. He adds, “It was like God reaching down from Heaven. When a girl is literally unzipping your pants, men cannot say no. We are not built that way.” That was the only time *Jack has cheated on his wife, and he does not plan to again.

“The opportunity is rare,” he says with a laugh. With movies like The Hangover Part II celebrating just how wild this pre-wedding ritual can get, it is clear that many men see this night as an anything-goes event — even a socially acceptable chance to stray. Some men insist that infidelity in this context is no big deal, although their partners may disagree. But women rarely find out the truth. A few men admit that bachelor parties are a pressure-fueled situation that makes some feel like they have no choice but to cheat, like *Othusitse who attended a bachelor party with two strippers. “The groom to-be was not into it, so they picked me to fill in,” says Othusitse. “The strippers both gave me oral sex while people threw cash on top of us and high-fived me.

It was like I was starring in my own porno. With everyone chanting, ‘Do it!’ you can’t say no.” He says it is a ‘mad-crazy’ twisted celebration of men that marks another chapter in their history. Perhaps this is the crux of the ritual — for some men, bachelor-party sex is anticlimactic, even depressing, and sends them running back into the arms of their fiancées. Suddenly, marriage and fidelity seem appealingly wholesome. An interesting revelation by wedding.com is that in recent years, bachelor parties have been thrown for men following divorce or separation after long-term relationships. These parties celebrate the overdue demise of painful relationships and glorify the freedom to live life according to one’s own terms and conditions. These bachelor parties do not assume or insinuate that the bachelor is about to get married, or that he ever intends to be anything other than a bachelor at any point in the future. Freedom and debauchery are the only goals. *Not their real names