God hates divorce but He hates abuse more

‘I have never recommended or prescribed divorce. How could I as a minister of the Gospel? The Bible makes clear the way in which God views divorce. I have on more than one occasion counseled and aided women in leaving an abusive husband. - Paige Patterson, Southern Baptist Church There is more to the scriptural picture behind ‘I hate divorce.’ I grew up as a Baptist, actually a member of Berean Baptist Church in Kanye. Although I respect Dr. Patterson’s right to disagree, I doubt that this is the presiding opinion among all Baptist pastors. Patterson’s refusal to acknowledge abuse as a legitimate breach of the marriage covenant convinces a battered wife to stay in an abusive home. Domestic abuse is cyclical. Even when pastors, counselors, and victim’s advocates intentionally intervene, abused women often find the fear of isolation, financial struggle, single parenting, violent retribution, and a host of other factors to be a hill too steep to climb. They feel all alone, rejected and lose themselves in the process. Women and children are being oppressed by their husbands and fathers. According to the Gender-based violence indicator study conducted in 2012, more than 67 in every 100 women in Botswana have experienced some form of gender-based violence in their lifetime. A high proportion of men (44 percent) admitted to perpetrating violence against women. Nearly one third (29 percent) experienced Intimate Partner Violence in the 12 months to the prevalence survey that formed the flagship research in this study. In contrast, only 1.2 percent of Batswana women reported cases of gender-based violence to the police in the same period. As we embark on the 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence, an international campaign to challenge violence against women and girls, allow me to challenge a popular Scripture often used by church leaders. Malachi 2:16a—“‘For I hate divorce,’ says the Lord, the God of Israel ...” This is true because it is what God is saying. However, from my reporting, hardly a week passes by without a case of abuse against women and girls. Rape. Murder. Domestic violence. Abuse is ugly. And sadly, it happens to women even in the church. This includes pastors’ wives. I have had the privilege of interviewing some sheltered at one of the centres in Botswana. These are women who were told ‘God hates divorce.’ Some are not necessarily bommamoruti but ordinary Christian women married to Christian men. The guy is prayerful at church but a monster at home. His wife and children fear him, yet he shakes ceilings and moves mountains with his prayers at church. His wife is a punching bag. The church leadership is aware but she is hopeless and helpless because ‘God hates divorce.’ The same God who hates divorce also strongly hates abuse. Abuse is when a marriage crosses the line from relationship to enslavement. Marriage is meant to reflect Christ and the church (Eph. 5:32). However, when the picture begins to look like Pharaoh and the Israelites, there is a serious problem. A woman beaten, verbally assaulted, cut off from friends, and/or financially isolated is no longer a wife but a slave. The defining act of the Old Testament is the Exodus: a deliverance from oppression. The fearful plagues that befell Egypt were in direct response to the ruthless enslavement Pharaoh inflicted on the people of Israel (Ex. 1:13). We even see the hardhearted cycle of abuse as Pharaoh feels remorse and promises reform, only to tighten his grip. Ultimately, God crushed Pharaoh and his army between the walls of his judgment. If abusers want to know how God feels about them, they need only look at Pharaoh’s fate. Let’s discuss this further next week. I am praying for you that your faith will not fail. Facebook/Instagram: Yvonne Tshepang Mooka Twitter: @yvonnemooka Email: [email protected]