Men also suffer domestic violence

Domestic violence, also known as intimate partner violence, occurs between people in an intimate relationship. Domestic violence against men can take many forms, including emotional, sexual and physical abuse and threats of abuse.

Abusive relationships always involve an imbalance of power and control. An abuser uses intimidating, hurtful words and behaviours to control his or her partner. “It’s hard for a guy to say ‘I need help,’’’ says Oageng Olebetse, chairperson of Men sector in Botswana. “It’s just not a natural instinct for a lot of men,” he adds.

Men are not looked at as victims as the belief is that a woman cannot hurt a man. He says men suffer emotional and sexual abuse at the hands of women. “When she calls him a sekopa, and also denies him sex as a form of punishment, that’s abuse,” he says. The most damaging form of abuse for a man is verbal, according to Olebetse saying that it affects his self worth. He explains that self confidence for a man is everything and that losing it leads to heavy drinking, isolation and being suicidal. Culturally, men are expected to be macho or to ‘man up’. So to admit that his woman is abusing him is regarded as weak. The need to be macho has resulted in men not even considering themselves victims or realising the violence they are experiencing is a crime. That is where the belief that ‘A man must never cry’ comes in. Society does not think of men as being capable of being victims or targets of abuse.

They are associated with moral and physical strength and being protectors which does not align well with an image of someone being physically abused, psychologically manipulated or degraded.When men seek help, they often feel they have lost their strength and self-reliance. According to one study from the Centre for Disease Control, there are more men than women who are victims of intimate partner physical violence. Research since the early 1970s has shown that men and women perpetrate violence against each other at roughly the same rates. It is an issue that’s largely been overlooked.

According to Moses Leboro, a social worker, when men call domestic violence agencies or law enforcement they are often ridiculed. “Men report that the police often laugh at them and say things like ‘What’s wrong with you? Can’t you control your woman?” he says.