COPING WITH AN ABUSIVE HUSBAND

Is your husband abusive to you or to your children? He is one among many who suffer from this problem and he can get help if he is determined to overcome his abusive nature. Why would a man abuse his wife? Why would he abuse his children? Do you think he enjoys it? Absolutely not! You may be asking “Why can’t he stop?” The truth is he can stop if he is willing to stop. It takes a few steps to conquer the problem.

Often, women who are in abusive relationships blame themselves. They look for something that they are lacking and shoulder the blame, not realizing that they are exonerating a guilty man. There is absolutely no excuse for being abusive. One’s past experiences may explain why a man is abusive but that explanation does not exonerate him or justify his abusive behaviour. When a man is abusive what can a woman do to cope?

First and foremost, acknowledge the problem exists and don’t sweep it “under the carpet”. Ignoring the problem won’t make it go away. Assert yourself as a woman. You are beautiful and made in the image of God. No man can take that away from you. Address the problem to your husband in a respectable manner. Remember that any disrespect toward an abusive man is like trying to take the puppies away from a pit-bull. He will react violently.

Two wrongs never make a right. Confrontation always fuels the fire. Be on your guard against fighting fire with fire. Maintain your respect for your husband. Does this mean that you must give in when he gets abusive? No! It does mean that you must honour him while you pray for him.

While it may be difficult, that is the way God would want you to respond. Seek counsel from someone you respect and can confide in with your dilemma. Never talk about your husband in public and never try to embarrass him in front of your family and friends.

It will only make things worse. If you are in danger as a result of extreme physical abuse, you may need to consider moving away from your abusive husband until he can get help and then begin the process of reconciliation when he has acknowledged his problem and gotten the necessary help for him to be a loving and caring husband.

Women in abusive relationships tend to show great resilience in the name of love. They claim they love the man but how can you love a man who doesn’t love you! Don’t blame yourself for his abusive behaviour. He may cause you to blame yourself and find fault with yourself.

Yes, women have their weaknesses but to shove the blame on them is a sign of insecurity. Don’t give in to having intimacy for the sake of “keeping the peace”. You are letting him use you to gratify his sexual needs. Get help before it is too late.