The horror of sexual abuse in the home

Besides learning that your child has died, or is dying, there probably can be nothing more devastating to a parent than hearing your daughter was a victim of sexual abuse. It could be even more distressing to learn that it was at the hands of a trusted relative or acquaintance.

Kesolofetse Pilwane (32), a mother of five children, says finding out about the ordeal her daughter had to go through was the wake up call she needed to turn her life around. She had gone to look for greener pastures in Gaborone where she worked as a maid and had left three of the children under the care of her mother and stepfather.

“I’m the first to admit that I wasn’t there for my children the way I should have been. Even on my off-days or weekends, I would be busy with boyfriends instead of spending time with my children. I just thought they were with my mother after all, and that they were fine,” she says regretfully.It was only earlier this year when she went home to give birth to her fifth child that she noticed her third born, nine-year old *Phatsimo, was withdrawn and hardly played with other children.

“Our neighbour also pulled me on the side and expressed her concerns. When we pressed her for information, she told us that on several occasions her grandfather, whom she called ‘ntate,’ pulled her pants down and would insert his fingers into her vagina and anus. Other incidents she described involved using her hand to stroke his crotch and forcing himself on her. It was the most horrific, sickening, gruesome thing any mother could hear,” she narrated. The worst part, Kesolofetse said, “was looking into my baby’s eyes and seeing the torment she had been hiding for the first time,” she said. Confronting the grandparents with the allegations was no kid’s play according to Kesolofetse.

“They were furious and denied the accusations, stating that *Patsimo was lying and that she had a problem with lying throughout their stay with them. My own mother told us to stop trying to chase her husband away with our lies,” Kesolofetse said.

She acknowledges that she wasn’t even intending to go to the police and just wanted the matter to be dealt with within the family. But her neighbour would have none of it. She called the police and the girl’s grandfather was arrested. He will be appearing at Kanye Magistrate Court on November 10 to answer to charges of sexual misconduct with a minor, sexual abuse, and molestation of a child.

Kesolofetse has since moved out of the mother’s home and stays with all her children and has no intentions of bringing any man around them. “It hasn’t been easy. We are struggling and have to survive on ‘piece jobs’ I get but at least I am with my children and I can make sure *Phatsimo gets the counseling she needs; that we all need!”

She says the experience has taught her how important it is to protect the girl child. *Phatsimo is a pseudonym used to protect the identity of the child