On papgeld child maintenance and ATM fathers
My dear reader, the other day I was at a certain store minding my own business when a man and woman nearby exchanged verbal missiles. I suspect that if the situation permitted, the lady would have shoved the hem of her dress into her knickers and plummeted that man with angry fists. I understand that the man was with a le-14 and this other woman who is his baby mama, cornered him and asked why he was gallivanting with a youngling when his own child did not have nappies and milk. We can laugh about that but that is a common situation in Botswana. There are some men who do not want to take responsibility and seem to think children grow like trees. We all know at least one man who is an occasional father or has apparently denied paternity. I once heard from the grapevine that some chap had denied paternity and went on with his life as if nothing had happened. I still shudder when I see this chap and wonder if he knows what kind of bad luck he is attracting. Men who own up to their responsibilities are not foolish. The thing with a child is that you are either in or out. You cannot be a parent when and if it suits you. It is simple; if you don’t want a child, keep your legs closed or use contraceptive. Gone are the days when siring offspring in every corner showed that someone is a “real man”. In actual fact that shows being irresponsible and immature. Papgeld (child maintenance) issues are often contentious. Ke raa, gatwe makau a nna hela a sekisiwa mo spacing mo. Some of them don’t want to cough up maintenance or even claim to be earning less to avoid paying the required amount. I don’t understand where some men think women get money. Perhaps it is the frustrations of single-handedly raising a child that leads to some women denying their baby daddies the right to see their children. Why would you want to see and spend time with a child whose upkeep you do not contribute towards? Funny enough, some men often accuse their baby mamas of using the money meant for their children for their own personal stuff like their hair, make-up and nice time. If that is the case, why don’t these men apply for custody and take care of the children themselves? Strangely, absent or irresponsible fathers often “miraculously” remember that they have children when the child is grown up; or when the mother gets married and he comes and spoils the mood arguing that he “wants his child.” Sadly, it is often the children who suffer when parents fight through the courts. The problem with this culture of paying maintenance is that it creates the idea that a child needs only money to grow. Not true. While money is an important part of raising a child, love, affection as well as emotional and physical support are also important. There is no compensation for adequate care, attention, affirmation and love. Money alone is not enough. I find it strange that some men need to be reminded to and taught how to take care of their children. Surely if you conceive a child you should be in a position to take responsibility. Gatwe motho wa teng fa a dira ngwana, o tla bo a ja monate e ka re o palame pitse, a herola matlho a bo a kua e ka re podi. Fa gotwe ngwana ke oo motho wa teng o shadikanya matlho e ka re tshwene e kgamilwe ke mmupudi. Tlerere!