You surely kept us on tenterhooks my dear Jan.
Dear January Allow me to pass my condolences on the sudden passing of your bosom buddy December of 2018 with whom you conspired to eat and drink us off our hard-earned money. The way things were going with that December lad – the parties, credit card-swiping, the cheating, the picnics, the beer, the recklessness, the adultery, the show off - he was never going to last longer and it is no wonder he is now gone and sadly forgotten after that sudden death that happened at the height of exaggerated excitement and jubilation. I’m awed though, at the frenzy and pomp that met your baton take-over. For a moment everyone had suddenly forgotten that the blissful December of double salaries and fruition of metshelo was gone – and in was you Jan, bringing with you the burden of reality, where the rough financial reckoning of school fees, job hunting, debts, loan applications and the daylight robbery that is ‘development fees’ stare us all in the face. Now as has happened to your elder brothers who lived in the years past, here you are – lonely, despondent and uneventful as ever, with very little carousing to shout about as all the glitz and swag of 2018 went away with the dearly-departed December.But I must say I am impressed at your improvisation, ensuring that even as you bring with you these agonising regulars, you are not as boring as your other January brothers of the past. You of the 2019 generation have ensured we remain on tenterhooks with each passing day of your being. There is so much to consume in a very short space of time thanks to your warmth and calm following the December craze. I mean, from the word go you were lit with intriguing stories of Hollywood proportions. From the circus of Kamal Jacobs and his blood-sucking cheerleaders to the blockbuster arrest of Isaac Kgosi, you, dear Jan, have dished more than we can chew and swallow already. You have in a short span of your life already shown us things we never could have thought would ever visit our peaceful country. December never really knew what your pregnancy carried, and now dikgang le ditiragalo tsa gago di matsorotsoro. I mean, way back in the infancy of your being, we were entertained by the circus that involved that Kamal chap who chanced on Sisiboy and reportedly acting in the interests of the new Israelis of New Jerusalem and their godfather Kgosikgolo in their bid to test the waters on whether or not the legitimacy of the sitting president could be challenged. The guy was brave. Or perhaps even foolish, knowing that his godfather had long set that notorious presidential immunity precedent through the Motswaledi case. Of course his lawyers made away with his money – kana bone they were bound to pocket handsomely whether Kamal won or lost. He should have known better, even after he was given hope that he could get things his way. The circus continued when it emerged Kgosikgolo and his lawyers were now distancing themselves from his case. I guess wherever he is he must be cursing your barrenness and wishing you disappear fast to herald a more hopeful February. Never one to disappoint, January, you dished even more of this unfolding plot to oust SisiBoy. We learnt of the millionaires in South Africa who were willing to financially back efforts to dispose of the sitting president. It surely looks like these guys are hellbent on running this country through a captured presidency. I remember that December revelation of some Venson-Moitoi woman who laid bare her intentions of taking over party and state presidency come this July. I tell you that woman is not acting out of genuine motives. A cabal of those with selfish interests is using her. Not the MmaV I know. That’s why I feel that after SisiBoy, we are going to be run by a captured President who will be serving the interests of somebody else and not those of the nation. It actually got worse when it was also announced at the height of your continuing reign, dear January, that Kgosikgolo too, was out on a fundraising mission in London – just to ensure his grand plan to oust the sitting president is well-oiled and will not encounter financial hiccups. Assuming the funds eventually help remove Masisi, the financiers will be expecting their cut in the deal, and our land could be sold for a song. Le ene Sisiboy must be having a dangerously-inflated confidence. Where does he get the nerve to go on a private visit to Mozambique while his enemies at home are plotting his downfall? Unless maybe he was out there on a truly private mission to seek a counter attacking strategy and plan from his counterparts who are known to have fought fierce territorial battles to protect the presidency against marauding rebels. And talking about rebels, it was again this month, January, that we learnt of a plot to expel BPP from the UDC for what is deemed some rebellious conduct. I hear they cannot be fully trusted as they have been sympathetic to the BMD. I just do not understand how this UDC thing works really – in the recent past they expelled BMD after denying for months that they were plotting that expulsion. Similarly, they are denying they will be expelling the BPP as well and given their history of denials, I shudder to think where we will be in the coming months with regards to this obscure party of the north. As things go, I am afraid one of these months the UDC is going to expel either BCP or BNF or even both. It is a party slowly feeding on its body parts and I pray that their denial of wanting to expel the BPP holds water. We can’t afford a hollow UDC that could soon be competing against its original component parties instead of consolidating efforts to defeat the crumbling BDP. It was this month that we again learnt of this BDP’s imminent loss of Shima Monageng who is believed to be on his way to Ndaba’s purple movement. I bet he will promptly become their parliamentary candidate in Molepolole. Kana ko AP when you join, you are assured of a council or parliamentary seat. I don’t know why Kamal couldn’t just go there and be assured of a platform to fight Matsheka ko Lobatse rather than waste his money on a lost cause. He should learn from the likes of Monageng who just kept their cool upon losing, while plotting their next move. And now when such longtime loyalists of the ruling party are jumping ship, the UDC on the other hand continues to weaken itself. Akere they recently expelled Pilane and part of his party! Now they want to finish him off with some tape and video leaks. This January surely has a lot of tidings to digest. For some reason, that lady of the threesome fame with the city Mayor is at it again. After a recording was leaked of Pilane asking the lady to drop the rape charges against the Mayor, now the UDC in cahoots with their partners in opposition party politics are gunning for not only Pilane’s head, but also for his burial. It gets worse when the lady in question even spills the beans on the insides of how Pilane cheated his way towards winning elections to lead his party. She continues to chirrup like a city robin that one, and seeks to be forgiven for dropping the charges in the first place, yet ene o setse a jele cut ya 20grand. They want Pilane to be prosecuted, but they are silent on what should happen with their UDC mayor chap who Pilane was protecting. Politicians! They will humble you. It shows exactly what they mean when they say in politics there are no permanent friends and enemies. Another January 2019 episode proves this. And in this instance, Isaac Kgosi will know better than to meddle in political issues, because there people you thought you knew and trusted can turn against you in an instant. Not even one of the DIS agents could at least give him a tip-off on his imminent arrest. In fact, they are the ones who executed the arrest – on their former boss, although he claims he doesn’t know any of them. Le ene he has been a major talk of January. From tax evasions and shady dealings to his movie-perfect arrest, Kgosi has been the in-thing this January. There was a time this January, when attention was on the reactions of Kwelagobe, Kedikilwe, Mogae and Molomo on the conduct of Kgosikgolo, but Mzico’s arrest quickly overshadowed what these men had to say. The nation was in a jubilant mood – except for the UDC leaders who expressed disdain at what they termed a Hollywood arrest. And not to be beaten in expressing his disgust was Kgosikgolo himself. This week he was telling The Argus Online that the current president is two-faced. He says he does not know the current President of Botswana whom he feels is stressed by being President; he only knows his last Vice President who was more dependable. It would have been a shocker had Kgosikgolo remained silent on the arrest of Mzico. He wouldn’t wait for February to air his views. He wanted to be a part of these January stories as well. As a retired Number One, he is very quick to respond. In the past, things would have happened and he would have gone on his walkabouts in the bundus as if nothing was happening. He is a new man indeed. Just like you January. Everyone is on and on about this “New year, New me” thing, and they will be making some resolutions. I wonder what Kgosikgolo’s resolution is. Obviously he told you Jan, in the privacy of his home. And I hope whatever his new year resolution is, nothing from it will be at the expense of the peace we have enjoyed all these years. Goodbye January. You have been both a handful and strangely eventful. You have been a good month, more than the others before you. We all like you for the hope you bring for us, always telling us we still have a chance.