Where there is no sex satisfaction, there are quarrels, stress, conflicts and diseases
Recently I suffered accusations of bringing our nation into disrepute when I stated that “Batswana are bad at sex.” My sentiments were shared in The Midweek Sun from an interview they did with me at a writers’ workshop in Kanye. This baptism of accusations came from natives who wondered where I got the audacity to appoint myself a national sex judge. It is of no surprise to me because human beings are intrinsically defensive and often do little to no self-introspection. What shocked me were those Batswana who blatantly admitted that Batswana have no history, culture or education from which they can derive sexual excellence let alone claim it. After years of speaking, writing about sex and dealing with sexual issues on Botswana’s romantic landscape, I couldn’t agree more. If anything, I feel unapologetic about the infamous “Batswana are bad at sex” statement. To start with, Botswana is not ranked among countries that can be associated with sexual satisfaction. The Top 10 Most Sexually Satisfied Countries are Nigeria 67%, Mexico 63%, India 61%, Poland 54%, Greece 51%, Holland 50%, South Africa 50%, Spain 49%, Canada 48% and USA 48%. By sexual satisfaction we mean free from stress, ability to orgasm, free from sexual dysfunction, frequency of sex and foreplay. In my humble view, Botswana is more concerned about conducting an HIV/AIDS survey or preventing transmission of the same than topping global charts of sexual satisfaction. As a result, the average Motswana is knowledgeable on using a condom than on foreplay or tackling erectile dysfunction. In various interviews I conducted randomly across the country, only 10% of Botswana’s women admitted being sexually satisfied. In a rare instance, 57 women out of 300 admitted that their men were satisfactory in doing hanky-panky. That’s basically 19% which is still nothing to write home about. This below mediocre performance is also admitted by our men who lament that Batswana women are inactive in bed and seem clueless about being sexually savvy. You don’t have to take my word for it. Botswana’s sexual satisfaction record is reflected in heightening divorces, sexual harassment and the growing prostitution industry which thrives on sex hunger. These problems express and should bring us to admit the fact that concerning sex, Batswana are naïve, hungry and frustrated. I have also dealt with sex issues that came my way by virtue of being the author of “Sex and Intimacy 101,” a best selling book that has done 10, 000 copies in Botswana. The issues reported by lovers concerning sexual dissatisfaction express deep-seated problems in our society. Providing condoms and ARVs is a good effort, while ignoring to deal with sexual dissatisfaction in Botswana is self-defeating and regressive because sexual diseases thrive on sexual hunger. It’s a song I have sung for too long without being heard by policy makers. Despite our country’s projected underperformance in attaining a decent sexual satisfaction record, sex continues to be more pivotal to life than we can possibly imagine. Research shows that sex prevents the spread of prostate cancer in men, and breast cancer in women if breast sucking and massaging are done during foreplay. Women who avoid sex reach menopause early. Sex is cardiac exercise and a calorie burner. It’s an emotional intelligence tool in the sense that it enhances mood, thus keeping lovers jovial and patriotic to each other. The stress relieving aspect of sex implies that a society devoid of sexual enjoyment is stressed and full of conflicts and quarrels. That’s more work for our judges, physiologists and psychiatrists. It makes logical sense that a nation that is deprived of sexual satisfaction has high medical bills, overworked social workers who spend time dealing with sexual conundrums masqueraded as social problems. It’s more work for our priests who have to deal with a deteriorating moral landscape and while at it, are often caught up in name wrecking sexual scandals leaving us in utter shock and authenticity doubt. To prevent this grotesque reality from continuing to manifest, I will share some snippets from my bestselling book, “Sex and Intimacy 101” which is written primarily to promote sexual enjoyment. Firstly, it is very important to understand the opposite sex. If you are going to satisfy a woman sexually you have to take time to study and understand her biological, social, psychological and even physiological makeup and vice versa. The problem with our men is that they have sex with women while having done no home work in studying and understanding women. This is the main reason for dismal performance in bed. Secondly, sexual enjoyment demands that we create a proper environment for sex. This includes bedding, sex furniture, lubricants, toys, clothes and even music. Playing that Westlife song as you hump creates an environment comparable to listening to house/rave music as you hit the gym. Imagine exercising in a gym that is as silent as a library. How in the world do some lovers make love without music? In my book “Sex and Intimacy 101,” I explain how creating the right sexual environment is vital in the pursuit of sexual enjoyment. After one has created the right environment, it is important to give considerable amount of time to performing intense, knowledgeable and passionate foreplay. I am not talking about 2-3 minutes uniformed foreplay followed by letting the snake out to play. 'It's particularly important for women to have successful foreplay because it takes a woman a longer time [than a man] to get up to the level of arousal needed to orgasm,' admits 'Dr. Ruth' Westheimer, EdD, a psychosexual therapist, professor at New York University, and lecturer at Yale and Princeton universities. If you’re going to have the kind of sex that can humble a pornstar and keeps your lover from the claws of sex pests, explore various sex positions not merely for the shallow goal of making acrobatic stunts but for the purpose of achieving sexual enjoyment and satisfaction. Some positions delay orgasm making the session to last longer while some drive the body home creating an epic experience. To perform well in bed, lovers should eat aphrodisiacs. This simply means sex food. My book is packed with a list of such food and reasons why certain foods are essentially the fuel behind good sex performance. Lastly, learn how to deal with problems that impede sexual enjoyment like vaginal dryness, erectile dysfunction, and libido decline. Sex prowess cannot be claimed by anyone who has no clue on how to deal with sexual challenges. Instead of being knowledgeable on how to deliver satisfying sexual experience, some people would rather be self-proclaimed detectives who resort to policing instead of satisfying. Unbeknown to them, their lovers continue the relentless and unending search for good sex.