PRICED LOVE
The controversial topic of 'girlfriend allowance' has been making waves on social media, with some women boldly demanding that men provide them with P5,000 monthly. While the idea has stirred banter and memes online, others fear it could have far-reaching consequences on relationships, family values, and even public health. Certified wellness coach Agatha Atlholang, who helps people to reach their best potential, says men who agree to consistently give such allowances are degrading themselves.
“Men who do that reduce themselves to ATMs. They lose integrity, and at the end of the day, they are not respected,” she said.
Atlholang believes the culture of girlfriend allowance undermines the family unit that once shaped children to value hard work and resilience.
When children, especially daughters, grow up watching both parents struggle together to build a home, it inspires them to take education seriously and pursue independence.
“That structure taught the girl child to value herself, to study hard and aim higher. Today, the mentality of girlfriend allowance destroys that foundation and only drives people towards singleness,”
Atlholang warned. She added that men who give hefty allowances are unlikely to commit to long-term relationships, as the money itself becomes the transactional glue.
“Le thoboge nyalo bo sister,” she cautioned young women, urging them not to be lured into pregnancies during such arrangements. “It always ends in tears.”
Atlholang also linked the trend to the rising HIV burden among women. Quoting the 2023 HIV and AIDS Factsheet for Botswana, she noted that women account for nearly two-thirds of all people living with HIV, about 220,000 out of 360,000 cases. Studies further show that young women aged 15–24 years contribute a quarter of all new infections, often through relationships with older men.
According to Atlholang, many of these men who pay allowances refuse to use condoms, exposing young women to heightened risks of infection.
“The allowance culture fuels HIV. These men believe that because they pay, they own the woman, and they refuse protection,” she said. Atlholang advised married women not to shy away from condoms within their unions. She pointed out that many of the men financing girlfriend allowances are, in fact, married men.
“Simololang go dirisa condom mo lenyalong betsho. Infidelity is high in marriages. If a man is giving a girlfriend allowance, he’s risking his family’s health while destroying his legacy. He will forever be seen as just an ATM,” she urged.
She argued that the absence of responsible father figures also fuels the cycle, as boys grow up without learning about legacy, respect, and building relationships.
“When the father is not present to guide the boy child, he grows up seeing nothing wrong with transactional sex .These transactions only lead to destruction over time,” Atlholang said.
She encouraged women to build independence through education and work.
“Anything that is not built on a strong foundation will never last. Young women must stand and work for themselves,” she advised. Reactions to the issue of girlfriend allowance were mixed. For Ratang Thupa, the whole idea of girlfriend allowance is simply prostitution in disguise. “Nkase duele P5,000 mme motho a sa itse le go hehera mabele, let alone live by our Setswana way of life,” he said. Ralefushi Martini, however, sees nothing wrong with the practice.
“Honestly, it is far from prostitution. If a man and woman agree to it, then let them do it. Those who don’t like it should just get partners who don’t expect it. Life is too short,” he said. Karabo Letshelea fears it could open another door to gender-based violence.
“It is another shortcut to GBV,” she warned. While Oteng Kgoponyane believes that providing for a partner is part of manhood, the problem lies in the way the culture has turned into a subscription model.
“It’s a man’s duty to provide for his wife and kids, but it should not be forced. Nowadays, relationships feel like subscriptions. Everything is a transaction,” he said.
Victor Mbiganyi also dismissed girlfriend allowance as prostitution wrapped in modern packaging. “Just imagine your son struggling to start a family because he cannot afford a girlfriend allowance. It’s better to return to old norms, where elders chose wives for young men, not girlfriends,” he argued.