CHEATING WILL NEVER END
Nothing can stop a partner from cheating, actually, cheating will never end because it can be triggered by almost anything.
Again, it is almost impossible for a partner to think they can stop their loved ones from cheating on them regardless of their status in the community, whether they are educated, have charming looks, a fat wallet or sweet character among other attributes.
This is because people are different and can be adulterous just for the heck of it, even when they lack nothing from their partners but find themselves repeatedly going for the forbidden fruit.
Life Coach Onneile Thamaku says many people cheat or have cheated at one point in their lives.
This is because in Botswana, cheating has been normalised so much that some people find nothing wrong with it, it is normal to them.
Perceiving cheating as abnormal is why some partners cry themselves to sleep every night, wondering why their lover cannot be faithful.
They deal with lovers who go on to cheat, get caught, apologise and even cry to show how sorry they are, only for them to cheat again.
When trying to understand why their loved ones repeatedly hurt them, the cheated hear things like, ‘I really do not understand why I cheat, it happens but I do not love them, my love is here.’
This can be one of the most confusing times for the betrayed, they get stuck at believing that they are truly loved but unable to understand why the other partner cannot zip their pants.
At this point, some go to the extremes of thinking that they are bewitched and need cleansing, convinced that evil forces want the couple to separate.
“Cheating can never end because children are born into an environment where cheating is not condemned but encouraged.
“There are no role models to teach children that cheating is wrong, so the next generation also picks that going forward,” Thamuku said.
Children grow up knowing that cheating is a way of life because their parents are doing it. Their great grandparents were doing it in the past and the circle shall continue.
Perhaps what is different is that in the olden days, men were the ones known to cheat but they did so in a subtle manner that their wives would not find out - they tried their best to be discreet!
But that does not mean the secrets never came out, they did and that is why in some instances polygamy was allowed. This was in an effort to keep the man home and not worry the woman with his whereabouts.
Things have now changed, women are no longer housewives, they work and put food on the table.
They now question why society allows a husband to have more than one partner while women are told to be faithful.
They both bring money home, with some women earning more than men, so it does not make sense why they will want to be adulterous.
If the man decides to act like their great grandfathers thinking his wife will accept his adulterous behaviour, trouble brews. Some women cheat back and hard, this is what drives men over the edge.
“The pain that women feel when finding out that they got cheated, is the same pain men feel,” Thamuku said.
Mental Health Counsellor at Botswana Substance Abuse Support Network (BOSASNet), Kutlwano Kepaletswe said that cheating is one of the things that can make someone experience sudden shock or pain and go through what is known as temporary insanity.
They are usually at a stage where all they want is to revenge on the wrong done unto them. The great pain that leads one to such extremes is when they see or hear disturbing news about people close to them, most do not take lightly to their loved ones betraying them.
They get hurt and in a short period of time, devise the best revenge plan, and killing is usually at the top of their list. The pain is usually extreme and all the grieving person wants is for it to stop as quickly as possible.
But a person does not wake up and reach a point of no return, what they would have found out is usually the straw that broke the camel's back.
They would have debated with self and even doubted their judgements and conclusions at one point, only for their worst fear to come to reality and throw them off.
Kepaletswe believes that the best thing to do for a person who is showing signs of being depressed or hurt is to get them to speak.
Talking helps calm emotions. Many people do not believe in talking but it is the most effective way of ensuring that pain does not build up leading to massive explosion unexpectedly.
She advises against ignoring the pain. Further, when pain strikes, the best option is to speak out because anger leads to one committing horrendous crimes when left unattended for prolonged periods.