‘We keep it flowing - for Phakalane residents’

Last week saw some areas in the south having their water supply cut off in order to allow Water Utilities Corporation to carry out major repairs. Ahead of this repair work, the WUC published a water-rationing schedule which in part showed when supply to Gaborone’s residential districts would be cut off. One district was excluded: Phakalane – whose name is pronounced in more exotic fashion than it actually reads by most of the residents. When the aforementioned schedule was published on Facebook, some complained that it was being spared because its residents are rich and excoriated WUC for that. If that was indeed the case then people should blame capitalism, not WUC. Globally and historically, capitalism has always worked for the rich and Botswana, as we all know, is a capitalist society. So, if you don't want your water supply cut off, move to Phakalane. There are also practical concerns. Not only do Phakalane residents buy prohibitively expensive fresh produce from Woolworth’s Foods, their meals consist of at least 15 items of food. The latter necessarily means that they cook more food than everybody else and thus need more water than everybody else. If their water supply was cut off, Phakalane residents wouldn’t have been able to cook all their fresh produce, it would have gone bland from long refrigeration and the cash-strapped WUC would have been slapped with a multi-billion pula class action lawsuit. In short, there was nothing wrong with WUC keeping it flowing for Phakalane residents. However, the Corporation may want to temporarily adjust its strap-line for periods when that happens.

Palesa won, BCW lost

The (rigged) Miss World 2021/22 beauty contest may be over in Puerto Rico but not in Botswana where the outcome is still being litigated. As happened in the past, the Botswana contestant won and the Botswana Council of Women (BCW) lost. You can go back to any year when Botswana fielded a contestant. There have always been grave missteps by BCW. In the particular case of Palesa Molefe, the 2021/22 contestant, there was a slew of such missteps by BCW. You can bet your ram from the Office of the President that there will be even more missteps for each one of the next 20 years for as long as BCW is still in charge. The good news is that we have a solution. An hour before she is supposed to go onstage, Miss Botswana 2026 should tell the BCW officials accompanying her that, since they know so much about international beauty contests, one of them should change into a costume and represent Botswana in her place. Following this reset agenda Miss Botswana 2027 will bring home the crown.

Teach students art of conning

Of all the innovations that can be tried with the education system, there is one that can work but is being circled around: teaching students the art of conning. Yes, conning - as when you lie about abilities you don’t have in order to trick money out of somebody’s pockets. We don’t have to mention names but a neighbouring country has to be doing that because one too many people from that country are excellent conmen and women. To be clear, some people from that country are highly qualified for the jobs they do but there are also those who claim to have skills they certainly don’t have. One very good (and real) example is of entrepreneurs from that country whose only knowledge of entrepreneurship is wearing sharp suits, speak good English and plaster the walls of their offices not with academic certificates but pictures they took with powerful people. Word of advice: if you go into anyone’s office and the latter are all you see on the wall, you should know that you, like hundreds before you, have been targeted for conning. Some of the women from the country claim superior ability to do household work and that they worked as housemaids for white people in large cities in their country of origin – then use mouthwash to clean dressing mirrors. Batswana graduates can’t fend for themselves domestically and are going to have an even tougher time when the country’s economy collapses and they have to hustle abroad. They would certainly be able to hustle better if they master English and are able to lie without batting an eyelid. Schools could be a bit more creative with what the syllabus already offers. Some have said that Religious Education is useless but this subject can actually be used to teach students how to con others via prosperity gospel.

Makhadzi should also be counted

The 2022 population and housing census is in full swing and poor people in most rural Botswana are being asked when was the last time they received a birthday present. The latter makes perfect sense because if you undertake a western statistical exercise, it is natural that those participating in such exercise will be asked questions that relate to western culture. The substantive issue we want to raise though relates to South African musician, Makhadzi. She should also be counted because at this point, she practically lives in Botswana. She even picks litter and attends kgotla meetings here.