Is your husband a porn junkie?

The growth of the pornography industry is phenomenal, to say the least. It is today probably the fastest growing industry in the world and most likely makes the most money too. Why are people drawn to pornography? What is so appealing about it? Why is it destroying so many lives, marriages and families? This article is the first in a four-part series that seeks to address the subject that is fast becoming a plague in Africa as it is in the West. Maybe you have discovered that your husband has a secret problem of lust, masturbation and pornography.

Faced with painful acts of betrayal, your reactions may range from sadness to depression, anger to rage, sexual disinterest, to having an affair. Obviously this is a relational problem between you and your husband; there is a breach of trust with the man you love.

Part of the wedding vows you both made to each other said that you would forsake all others when you said, “I do.” Very few couples getting married recognise that all marriages are a fragile covenant consummated by two people with seemingly good intentions. While strong love and commitment go a long way, it is never enough -sin is always going to express itself with some level of hurt, discouragement and pain. It is always the grace of God that ultimately makes any marriage survive unfaithfulness and become more meaningful and glorifying to God.

Every society is as strong as its weakest marriage and family. Just like a rope is as strong as its weakest strand. Whether you have been married just a few months or for more than 20 years, your worst fears are realised when you discover a hidden sexual sin. This problem may not have been there when you both started out in marriage. There may never have been signs of it at all when you were in courtship. Every moment of joy, satisfaction, and intimacy you have known with the man of your dreams is now shattered. What was real now seems unreal.

You are in utter shock and don’t know what to do. What was true intimacy now feels like false intimacy. What was a trusting relationship is now filled with paralysing mistrust. This relational mistrust becomes the main element between you and your husband in the struggle to move forward.

All marriage relationships are complicated. Unfaithfulness takes the normal complications to the highest level possible. There is no formula to follow but instead it is a process of radical change, not only in your husband's behaviour, but also in his mental, spiritual, relational, and sexual maturity. Your discovery may be having a devastating effect on you right now, but this is not the end of the road for you or your marriage.

Take time to digest what I am going to share in these columns and give yourself time to process the information towards healing. Don’t despair. Don’t panic. Don’t blame yourself. Don’t let anger and bitterness get the better of you. Think clearly and creatively.